Dangers of Processed Food

Stop Doing These Things

Plant Based Diet

I had oatmeal & millet for breakfast for the first time in ages.

It makes me feel better.

I really want to make my diet as plant based as possible. 

I also think I want to become a vegetarian. 

Except still eat fish. & occasional chicken.

Okay a flexatarian. 

I have realized that I cannot just be one of those people who eats healthy and then bad things in moderation.

I need to be super strict while eating healthy, like nothing bad EVER.

And then save splurges for special occasions.

Honestly, the fact that I've done this before gives me so much hope. 

I think right now it is just really hard being home.

There's so much more food around, & when I binge I can't control myself. 

Also, I am ridiculously stressed, & that is really not helping.

Back in Feb. I would eat...

Breakfast: Oatmeal EVERY morning, it was my sweet treat of the day

Lunch: a HUGE salad

Snack: an orange

Dinner: vegetables w/ egg or tuna

And everyday I would workout & do yoga at night.

It was PERFECT!

I am going to therapy in an hour, I am freaking out.

But I hope it is going to be a healing experience. 

And I hope it will kick me into starting my old healthy regiment again. 

WORK OUT

tight tummy >>>> sugggaa
I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS

I am super nervous about therapy tomorrow.
I think that caused tonight's binge.
Irony..

Grrrr..

I made a very important decision today.

The thing about having an ED is that I am never satisfied with my weight.

Honestly it has so much of a mental effect on me.

So back in Febuary I was at a weight that I thought was still too big, when really it wasn't. 

Now that I have gained some weight I realize that I should  have accepted myself at that time.

Maybe things would be different now if I had. 

So anyways I am taking these pictures and gaining inspiration.

I am going to get myself right & get back down to that weight I was at in Febuary.

Once I get there I am going to stop trying to lose weight.

I am going to stop KILLING myself over exercise and weight.

I was depriving myself and overdoing it.

I am making important changes now so I can be healthy.

I honestly just want to be healthy & I know right now I am not. 

I think making important realizations like this, along with going to therapy will be so good for me. 

I already love exercise & healthy eating, I just need to be strict with the overeating & the sugar.

Those are my issues right now.

Once I clean up my diet & eat less, I will have more energy for exercise.

So this fat is going to melt off right away!

It is just about discipline & commitment. 

Pray for me, I need this!!

So like I need to make a major change. 

seriously, NEED to.

As I talked to old friends and family today, 

I felt so happy yet unhappy.

I have totally lost myself. I feel sluggish & unmotivated.

That makes me so sad.

Because a year ago, I was so driven.

I've been so depressed recently 

and eating ridiculous amounts of food to cope. My binge episodes have been so frequent.

Not only that, I just have lost hope & I'm eating wrong even when I am aware.

What the hell is wrong with me?

After today, skyping friends from school & getting together with my family, I realize I am going backwards.

I need to make strides forward and not focus on what others are thinking.

I've gained so much weight since being home, but more importantly I do not feel healthy.

I do not feel good. This ED has taken a terrible turn. It gets worse every week.

This week was the worst of all. I ate like a friggin cow. 

Sure I exercised but it really doesn't do much when I am inhaling crap.

My nana was telling us her sister now has diabetes as well.

I am so scared. I need to get back on track here before this gets out of hand. 

\It is so important to me to get down to my "feel great weight" so that I can be healthy and happy.

Disease is so terrifying to me. This ED is terrifying to me.

But it is just another thing to conquer. It is another mountain to get over. 

And dammit I'm going to. 

I know how to be healthy. I know what to eat, how much & when.

I know how to exercise to work off all this fatty fat & build my sexy muscles.

It is time to stop being this cow and start being a lady.

Time to eat clean & train dirty!!

I am going to eat strictly well and sweat like a little pig!

Enough is honestly enough!

I am going to be 19 in a month and I really don't want to celebrate as an overweight cow.

I want to celebrate as a girl on her journey to health.

I am making some major changes starting now.

Say a prayer for me! I'm honestly going to need it. 

This stuff, im telling ya

transition is weird. being home is weird.

im not sure how to deal with routine still

& i am really not diggin it.

the thing is i have a lot going on. 

ive opened up about my eating disorder, & i am also dealing with depression.

ive got a therapy appointment this week luckily.

but it is really hard to admit to myself that i have these issues.

but i think admitting is just another part of growing up.

and by admitting, i am finding help.

its all part of the journey.

today our relief society lesson was all about "the journey home."

i took a lot from it, but mostly that Heavenly Father loves me no matter what. 

It doesnt matter how beautiful, how healthy, how intelligent, or how kind I am.

He is always there and he loves me and wants to help.

im definitely trying to put my trust in him more, especially this week.

I truly want to get healthy so I can progress and grow. 

 

pulling myself together today aka just applied to college..again!

im hoping this all works out, so i can start journeying towards my future career.

im so passionate about health and becoming a dietecian.

when i visited the school they told me the program is extremely demanding,

but i can graduate in 4 years and become an RD right out of school.

internships are done while completing a bachelor's degree, which is great news!

 

im also focusing on my personal health.

it seems that the freshman 15 took a reverse affect.

im gaining weight while home!

it has a lot to do with being stressed & with my eating disorder.

but today I am calling therapy and making a plan to get healthy!

im going to focus all my energy on fixing this.

good thing i love working out & eating my veggies!

please please please wish me luck.

i need it.

 

small goals:

eat more balanced meals aka MORE VEGGIES

practice yoga more often

sleep 8 hours a night

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT

I CAN GO THE DISTANCE

lNegative < Positive

I had an awesome conversation with my mom today.

I've been feeling so insecure lately because it seems like everyone is moving in a different direction than me.

But the truth is, I know what is right for me. I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now. 

I know the things I need to do to improve, and I know the choices I need to make.

I am going to eliminate guilt and practice joy. 

Goal List

read 1 book a month

sweat 5 days a week

eat real food. not much. mostly plants.

get 7 hours of sleep every night

read scriptures everyday